L Had an Epic Moment With a Potato Chip And Other Misadventures
by xxElectrick
Summary: "Make it stop, Light- Kun!" L shut his eyes. "Make it STOPPPP!" L dared to try the potato chip, and had a moment he won't soon forget. [Nothing too serious. Like drabbles but a little longer]
1. L Has an Epic Moment With a Potato Chip

**I have no idea how to explain what the following fanfiction is about. I really do not. I don't even ****_understand_**** it. But hopefully you'll find it funny and it's not too long or time- consuming so you might as well try it.**

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March 29th: L had an epic moment with a potato chip

"Light- Kun?" L yawned. The clicking of his fingertips on the keyboard had grown incredibly slow over the past few hours.

Light, however, was going strong, feeling well rested and ready to work. "What is it, Ryuzaki?" he mumbled, although engrossed in the information on the screen.

"I think-" L paused to yawn again. "I think I need to sleep now. I haven't stopped working for... Thirty six hours and counting, and I'm starting to feel a little drowsy... "

Light scoffed. "Come on, Ryuzaki, I've seen you do better than this. Sleep is overrated anyway."

"Says the one who just woke up from a five hour nap." L murmured.

"That's practically the only sleep I've had in days, anyway," Light said, typing furiously. "You'll be fine. You just need to catch your second wind!"

"My second wind?" L felt anger slowly rise in him. "My second _wind?_ How am I supposed to get my second wind, when I've already eaten all the sweets?"

Light rolled his eyes. "I told you to save them."

"And I told Light- Kun I was _hungry_!" L shouted, banging his fist on the desk. He sighed, calming himself down. "I'm... I'm sorry, I don't know what came over me. There's only so long I can bear being without sleep AND sweets."

"How about these chips?" Light offered. He held out a family- size bag of Lay's potato chips.

"Sure, why doesn't Light- Kun just give me artificially sweetened soda and fast food while he's at it," L growled.

"Right, 'cause you're so health conscious. Now just have one. You'll like it." Light shoved the bag towards L.

L glared at Light for a moment. "Fine. Because I'm hungry. But just one though." He pulled one single chip out of the bag and cautiously placed it on his tongue.

L gasped.

"Umm, Ryuzaki? Are you okay?"

He shook his head quickly. "Light- Kun!" The room had suddenly lit up with neon colors and fictional creatures. "When did we get unicorns in here?"

"Unicorns? What are you talking about?" Light demanded.

L pushed back from the desk, which was now a toilet spurting out long streams of rainbows. "I'm freakin' out, Light- Kun!"

Light's eyes darted around frantically. "God, I won't give you any more potato chips, okay?"

L backed away from Light slowly. "Don't come any closer, Light- Kun. The Lucky Charms leprechaun is on your shoulder and it looks like it wants to kill me."

"Are you _HIGH_?" Light exclaimed.

L curled up on the floor as christmas elves walked towards him, in a state of horror and shock. "Make it stop, Light- Kun!" L shut his eyes. "Make it _STOPPPP_!"

He felt Light's hand strike his cheek. He opened my eyes and looked around. Light stared at him with an extremely confused expression. "You're right, Ryuzaki, you need some sleep ASAP, you're losing it!"

With wide eyes, L looked around the room. The fluorescent dyes had been wiped away; the unicorns and the elves and the leprechauns and the fairies, disappeared; each rainbow gone as well.

L grabbed Light's shirt collar, dead seriousness in his expression. "Does Light- Kun know what just happened?"

Light recoiled fearfully. "Please, what is it? 'Light- Kun' is very confused."

"Light- Kun," L breathed in awe. "I just had an epic moment with a potato chip."

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**Yes, there will be more. And I am pumped about it.**


	2. Mell Ate Your Chocolate

**October 7th: Mello ate your chocolate**

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Mello slipped into the dark kitchen, his boots perfectly silent. He could smell chocolate from two miles away and he was sure this house reeked of it.

Mello glanced on the counter, and was pleased to see a newspaper reading, "_Chocolate Thief Terrorizes Tokyo Once Again_". He chuckled, and delicately picking it up with his gloved fingers, he stuck it in his bag as a reward for himself. He would read it later.

Ready to begin his search for chocolate, Mello took a long whiff of the air. He paused. It appears that the chocolate had moved. How is that possible?

Mello heard a soft roar. He pulled his gun on instinct and spun around. The fireplace was suddenly lit. A dark figure, whose features were barely illuminated by only the fire, stood slouching. He held the coveted chocolate bars.

"I knew all along that you were the infamous chocolate thief, Mello," said the man.

Mello inhaled suddenly. "L?"

"That's right," L said. "It has been a while, hasn't it? Several years. But your love for chocolate hasn't changed a bit." The fire lit up his calm expression, accentuating the constant dark, black shadows under his eyes.

Mello gripped his handgun more tightly. "That's right, L, and I only hope you would have missed me as much I have you."

"Not particularly, to be honest," L said, indifferently. "But anyway, I don't assume you dropped by to catch up?"

"Not exactly," Mello growled. "So you should put down those chocolates right now before this gets bad."

L sighed. "Why am I not surprised you would shoot me for my chocolate?"

Mello seethed. "Just hand them over and I won't have to."

L shook his head. "I'm disappointed in you, Mel'." He reached his arm out and held the chocolates above the flames. "Here's where it gets really tricky. Wondering how the fireplace lit up so quickly? Just turn on the gas, and it comes on like magic. Now, you can choose to shoot me, and I will most certainly drop the chocolate. So you can lick it off a burning log, or you can allow me to detain you and call the police."

Mello's grip on the gun grew clammy and weak. He immediately drew into the offensive. "You'd turn me in, L- Kun? After all we've been through?"

"I'm willing to turn you in just as much as you're willing to shoot me, Mello- 'Kun'," L snorted. "Look at that. The chocolate's really warming up. Maybe you should decide soon."

Mello weighed his options in his mind. There wouldn't be any chocolate in prison. But how could he possibly bear to watch all those bars burn in the fire?

"Tick- tock, Mello." L reminded him. "It's getting really melty."

Mello had made his decision. "I pick the third option. Adios, L."

He ran over to the door and placed his hand on the knob, before hearing a shot and feeling a sharp pain pierce his leg. He collapsed and clutched where the bullet hit him.

"You're so stupid, Mello," L said, walking over to him. He turned Mello over onto his stomach and handcuffed him. "I'm a detective, too. I carry a gun. I know, it's crazy, right?"

Mello groaned in defeat.

"You've certainly digressed over the years," L said, sounding utterly pissed off. "It's almost a little embarrassing for me."

Mello glared at him in response. Then he looked wistfully to the chocolate bars, still in the detective's hand.

"Oh, these?" L said, holding them out in front of him. "They do look good. I'm not really hungry, though. I guess I have to get rid of them."

"Wait!" Mello begged. "Come on. No. Please don't."

"Sorry, Mel'," L unsympathetically replied. "Life is hard." With that, he slowly tossed the chocolate bars in the fire, one by one.

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**Thank you very much for reading! xD **


	3. Matsuda Gives You Carrot Seeds

**April 27th: Matsuda Gave You Carrot Seeds**

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Yagami knocked on the door. "Ryuza- Err, I mean- Lawliet? It's me."

_"Who is 'me'?"_ L's voice called from inside.

"Yagami," he answered. He waited patiently as he heard bare feet pad towards the door. It creaked open.

"'Morning, Yagami- San," L blearily greeted. He stepped aside as to let Yagami in. "What is it?"

"Well," Yagami slowly replied. "I know I should be happy that we've caught Kira, but... You know... "

L shrugged. "I had never expected you to be happy about that. Kira was your son, after all." L turned his head slightly and mumbled a barely audible, "I told you so."

"Right," Yagami said. "It's all just taken a toll on me. I can't believe, all these years... It's hard just thinking... This whole time... My son... " His voice began to fade.

"So... " L slowly said. "You're saying... I'm going to be your shoulder to cry on?"

Yagami flinched. "No, no. Not like that. I just need a distraction. So I don't have to sit around my house doing nothing but think about it. All I can ever do these days is lie in bed and feel sad. I was thinking, I, just, need some help."

L sat (or rather, squatted) on the wrinkled couch. "I don't know why you're coming to me, Yagami- San. I've never had a strong emotional connection with anyone for the greater part of my life. I don't know how to mourn a human person." He reached for a plate of half- eaten cake on the glass table. "My mother died sixteen years ago and I didn't shed a tear. For all I know, I may be incapable of mourning anyone. So why would you come here?"

Yagami nervously sat down on a plushy love seat, surrounded by pillows and random clutter littering the floor. "Well... I... "

"Anyway, it doesn't matter. You, as well as I, may be surprised to hear that I somewhat understand what you are feeling," L continued, forking into his mouth a few bites of cake. "I am mourning something. Now, don't correct me so soon. I said something, not someone. I am mourning the loss of Kira. Not Light- Kun, but Kira. The case, the detective work, everything."

Yagami nodded as he waited silently for L to chew and swallow another bite.

"I am agonizingly bored, Yagami- San. I have nearly lost my will to live. And I've forgotten how to do anything but detective work." L shuddered and placed his empty plate back onto the table. "It's like some twisted sort of reverse- jet lag."

Yagami's forehead scrunched up in confusion. "What do you mean?"

"I can't sleep. I haven't slept for days. I've turned from an insomniac to an insomnic, miserable person. And did I mention the boredom? Unbearable. The past ten years of my life has been dedicated to this case and without it I don't know what to do."

"So... I guess you can't help me, huh?" Yagami dejectedly moaned.

"Of course not," L said. "I don't have the slightest help to offer. If we want help, we need to go to someone else."

Yagami leaned forward in the seat and placed his hands on his knees. "Like who?"

"Someone cheerful... Someone not weighed down by the after- effects of this case... " L thought out loud. "Someone who would be considered optimistic, I suppose? But, one so blatantly unaffected by the end of Kira must also be one who is rather innocent, naive, perhaps. Someone like... "

There was a knock on the door. _"Hello? It's me, Matsuda."_

L finished, "... Touta Matsuda." He found himself extremely pleased at the brilliant timing. He stood up and shuffled towards the door, opening it. "Good morning, Matsuda. Come in."

"Hey, Ryuzaki!" Matsuda cheerfully greeted, entering the apartment.

"You know you don't have to call me that anymore," L pointed out, sitting back onto the couch.

Matsuda smiled and shrugged. "I know, but I like it! I'm too used to calling you Ryuzaki." He looked at Yagami. "Hey, Yagami- San! Did Ryuzaki call you to come over too?"

Yagami's mouth dropped open. "What? You already called Matsuda earlier?"

A hint of a presumptuous smile rested on L's lips. "If I weren't one step ahead of everyone else, Yagami- San, then I wouldn't be L."

"Hmph," huffed Yagami. "Well then. That's fine."

Matsuda's grin was as bright as Yagami had ever seen it. "So, what's the problem, Ryuzaki?"

L, having made himself a cup of coffee without Yagami even noticing him do it, stirred in several heaping spoonfuls of sugar. "I'm horribly bored, Matsuda. Depressed, actually."

Matsuda's eyes widened. "Depressed?"

"Yes, Matsuda. Depressed," L said slowly, with a shallow tone. "Yagami is, also, depressed. After all, he has found out his beloved son has betrayed him, killed tens of thousands of people, played upon everyone who had ever loved him, was the sole cause of-"

"We've got it, Lawliet," Yagami grumbled.

Matsuda nodded. "I see your problem," he mused, with a sophisticated expression. "And I think I know just what will solve it for you."

Yagami snorted. He just couldn't take Matsuda seriously.

L, however, looked intrigued. He leaned in slightly. "I'm listening."

Matsuda smiled. "It will keep you occupied for weeks. It's my secret weapon." He slowly took something out of his pocket, holding it in a closed fist. "Like therapy," he insisted.

"Just tell us what it is," Yagami muttered. "Before I kill myself."

Matsuda, unfazed by Yagami, opened his fist, his expression one of self- awe.

"Um..." Yagami's quizzically tilted his head. "...Seeds?"

Matsuda's eyes lit up. "Not just any seeds, Yagami- San. _Carrot seeds_." He placed a small handful into Yagami's cupped hands. "Now, go," he ordered. "Plant them in your soul. And live in peace."


	4. Light Builds Mount Manga

**March 12th: Light Builds Mount Manga (Which is taller than Mount Fuji)**

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"Go ahead, enjoy your date with Misa," L insisted. "A few hours won't make any difference in this case."

Light frowned slightly. "That's fine," he muttered, feeling Misa's arm wrap around his. "But I'll only be gone for a _few hours_, and no more."

"Come on, Light!," squealed Misa. "We don't wanna be late for the movie!" She gently pulled him towards the door. "I swear if we miss the beginning I'm not going to watch it."

"Okay, okay," Light said. L noticed the fleeting _kill me_ expression he had before replacing it with a plastic smile. "I'll be back in-"

"Bye, everyone!" Misa had pulled him out the door before he had a chance to finish his sentence.

There was a brief moment of silence. "Well," L finally said. "I thought they would never leave."

"Why is that?," Matsuda asked. "You usually aren't so eager to have one less person working on the case."

A small smirk grew on L's lips. "Well, you see, Matsuda," he quietly began. "There has been something that has been bothering me about Light- Kun's behavior for a while now, and I intend to get to the bottom of it, as I do for everything I do not understand."

Matsuda tilted his head. "What?"

L's raised an eyebrow. "You mean, you haven't noticed?"

Matsuda leaned in closer, suddenly dying to know what it could possibly be. "No! What is it? What?"

L pointed towards a closed door. "This door, Matsuda. The door. Light- Kun has been obsessing over this door for several days. Always keeping it locked, never letting anyone see inside. Acting very suspiciously."

Matsuda's eyes widened in fascination. "What's in there?"

"Don't you think I would have said something if I had figured it out?," L snapped. "However, I plan to do so before he gets home."

"And," Matsuda eagerly continued. "How will you do that?"

L stood up and approached the door. "It's mind- blowingly simple, Matsuda," he presumptuously purred, revealing a paper clip and a pen cap. "Mind- blowingly. Simple."

"It is?"

L ignored the tedious question, and kneeled down in front of the door. It took him less than an estimated eleven seconds to pick the lock. It was a far cry from his personal record of four point two seconds, but it would certainly suffice in this scenario.

He held the doorknob in his right hand. "Touta Matsuda. Are you ready to witness the secrets behind this door?"

Matsuda nodded vigorously, sweat forming on his forehead. "I- I think so."

"Me too," L said. He paused dramatically. "Okay, I'm goin' in. Ready? 3... 2... "

He heard Matsuda swallow loudly before he swung the door open, and was immediately hit by an onslaught of white light.

"_Ryuzaki!_," exclaimed Matsuda, in a panic. "I- I can't see!"

"Neither can I!" The light was too bright. "Just wait until your eyes adjust to it." Slowly, L was able to open his eyes to a squint, and eventually could fully see. "I can open my eyes," he declared, and looked up. He paled. "Oh my God."

"What is it, Ryuzaki?"

"I... Don't... KNOW." What was this? He only knew what it looked like. "I think it's his manga collection," L decided.

"Dirty manga?"

"No."

"Children's manga?"

"No."

"Is this manga embarrassing in any way?" Matsuda asked, sounding a little flustered.

L clenched his teeth, still in horror and awe of the scene before him. "J- Just open your eyes, Matsuda. You can do it."

"Then why would Light-"

"_Open your eyes_," L suddenly demanded.

Matsuda jumped. "_Okay_!," he obliged. He slowly opened his eyelids, and his face contorted in utter confusion. "I... Don't... Ryuzaki, I'M SCARED!"

L wished to comfort Matsuda, but there were two reasons why he couldn't. First, he had no idea how to comfort people. Second, he was terrified himself.

Looming before him was a literally glowing mountain of manga. Somehow, the ceiling had disappeared, and the walls certainly stretched farther than the length of several buildings, so that the mountain seemed infinitely large. Looking up, he could not even see the peak. "Matsuda," L shakily whispered. "I would estimate that Light's manga collection is... taller than Mount Fuji."

Matsuda's mouth dropped open. "Taller than Mount _Fuji_?! How is that possible?"

"We have broken the limits set by possibility long ago, Matsuda," L said breathily, still gazing upon Mount Manga. "Whether or not any of this is possible is far out of the question now."

Matsuda's blatant panic grew by the second. "Let's go, Ryuzaki." He inched backwards. "Maybe we can just ask Light about this."

"_Ask_? We are beyond asking now. We are in acting mode."

At this, Matsuda's face fell.

L stared up, trying to catch a glimpse of the peak of Mount Manga, however, it was shrouded in clouds. "We are going to climb Mount Manga."

Matsuda's face shrunk in despair. "Climb it? But- but how?"

A simple but daunting question indeed. How. L mulled over this for a moment.

Matsuda's voice interrupted his thoughts. "It must be very difficult for Light to reread his manga. I mean, if it were at the top, he would have to accomplish the equivalent of climbing Mount Fuji... "

L's head snapped toward him suddenly. "Matsuda."

"I'm sorry, Ryuzaki! I really-"

L shook his head. "No, you're a genius!"

Matsuda blushed. "Me? A genius? Really? Nah, I wouldn't say I'm a_ genius_, I just..."

L tuned out the detective's voice, his eyes scrutinizing every inch of Mount Manga. "Come, Matsuda." he commanded, briskly approaching Mount Manga.

Matsuda sighed, trailing behind him. "Yes, Ryuzaki... "

Once he had reached the bottom of the mountain, L began digging into the manga. "Look," he said, pushing the books aside. "There must be something he uses to get up there. Don't ask me what it is, because that is beyond me." It stung a little to admit that there was something he was intellectually incapable of conjuring up. "It might be something as simple as a path," he added. "But I have no doubt that there's something-"

"_Matsuda! Ryuzaki_!"

L sighed, disappointed. Without having to turn around, he knew the voice belonged to Light. Even if he somehow wasn't able to recognize the voice, or perhaps didn't hear the blatant anger which drenched it, the whole thing was a predictable plot twist.

"Let me guess," L sarcastically moaned. "You guys missed the beginning of the movie. Misa made you come back. Saw the door was unlocked."

"How did you-"

"She clearly foreshadowed it not even an hour ago." L rolled his eyes. "Anyway, I don't suppose you're furious now?"

"Turn around and look at me, Ryuzaki!"

With another agonizing sigh, L turned to face Light.

Matsuda's face was a picture of lamentation. "I'm sorry, Light! Me and Ryuzaki were just curious!"

"I have no doubt," Light spat. "That he dragged you into this. You are excused."

Matsuda didn't hesitate to run out of the room, seemingly ecstatic to be away from Mount Manga.

"The increasing predictability of this situation is becoming less and less bearable." L mumbled to himself.

"Predictable? How is this predictable?," Light yelled. "You know what, don't answer that."

L shrugged. He was, however, curious as to what the explanation was for this Mount Manga. "Anyway. I'm waiting, Light- Kun."

Light bit his lip in defeat. "One sec. I'm going to show you something."

"Show me something?"

Light rushed to a farther area of Mount Manga, and L watched as he practically dove in. "I would ask you to keep this all a secret... " Light mumbled, swimming past every volume of Bleach. "... But, I doubt you will do that anyway, so I'll save my breath."

L nodded, watching Light. "Sounds fair."

Light finally pulled out a single manga and held it to his chest. "This," he said. "This mountain. Is just a cover up. To hide... This." He showed the cover to L, holding it out in front of him.

L took the manga, staring at the cover. "Sekaiichi Hatsukoi?"

Light's face reddened with embarrassment. He looked down. "Yes, I'm a little into yaoi, okay?"

So, Matsuda wasn't far off with his guesses.

L glanced back up towards Light. "Light- Kun... "

"Yes?" Light asked, his words muffled by his hands which were cupping his face.

"Please tell me you read Junjōu Romantica before you started this."

"_Please_ stop laughing at-" Light paused. "Wait... What?"

L handed Light back the manga, his face perfectly sincere. "You can't read Sekaiichi Hatsukoi before Junjōu Romantica. It doesn't work like that."

Light's mouth opened and closed as if he were trying to say something.

"Anyway," L said, turning his back. "If you wanted to hide that from me, it would have been simpler to hide it under your bed, rather than building a collection of manga taller than Mount Fuji. Just a tad bit of advice. Well, goodnight, Light- Kun."

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**I know, it has been about 12 million years since I've updated it. This is overdue. But... If you're reading this it most likely means you've read this chapter, so THANK YOU!**


	5. Light Reads Mind Reading For Dummies

**July 8th: Light Reads Mind Controlling For Dummies**

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"Yessss. YESSSSS," Light whispered excitedly. "I've finally done it!"

He had spent all night studying his new book, _Mind Controlling For Dummies,_ and he had finally felt thoroughly confident in his mind manipulating abilities.

He opened his door a crack and peaked out. Who would be his first victim?

It appeared that L was the only one awake, typing away on his keyboard, the clicking echoing through the dead space.

"Why are you spying on me, Light- Kun?" L asked, without looking at him

Light jumped in surprise. He opened his door fully and walked out. "I wasn't. I just didn't want to disturb you if you were sleeping."

L narrowed his eyes, although kept them to the screen, which lit up his dark undereyes. "I appreciate that. Although, Light- Kun should know by now that I seldom sleep, and if I do, I do so restlessly and for short periods of time."

"Oh, right." Light mumbled disconnectedly. He paid little attention to L's speech, preparing to control his mind. He balled up his fists and clenched his teeth in concentration. Focus all your energy into his mind, he thought. Become one with his mind.

"Hello? Are you okay, Light- Kun? You look a little... Ehm... Tired." L's words had broken his concentration. But no matter, Light was confident he had already succeeded in accessing L's subconscious.

Light stood up tall in front of L, domineeringly. "You will not call me Light- Kun. You will call me Light- San."

L's face blanked for a moment. Then he looked up at Light and slowly opened his mouth. "Yes, Light- San."

A delighted grin spread across Light's face. He had really done it! "Now, Ryuzaki, you must listen to me," he commanded. "I am not Kira. Understand?"

L nodded, his eyes dilating. "_Yes, Light- San."_

"The real Kira is... Um... " Light's mind raced, trying to think of a name. "BARACK OBAMA." He grimaced at the choice, just saying the first name that came to mind.

L just nodded again. "_Yes, Light- San_. Barack Obama is Kira."

An overwhelming sense of satisfaction washed over Light. Perfect! With L under his control, there was no way he would ever get caught as Kira.

Then, suddenly, Light was struck with an even better idea. "I take that back. I am Kira!" Light exclaimed. "Me!"

_"Yes, Light- San."_

"You will worship me as God," he declared. "And be my slave."

_"Yes, Light- San."_

Light sat down on a chair, perfectly content. "Great, now. Um..." Light tried to think of something to make L do. "Get me a soda."

_"Yes, Light- San."_ L left the room and returned moments later with a can of soda.

"Try to be faster next time, okay?"

_"Yes, Light- San."_

Light laughed gleefully. "Now, you will bow down to me, your God."

_"Hell no, Light- San."_

Light flinched. "Wait, what did you say?"

L's face turned stoical. "Light- Kun, your chances of being Kira have risen from 8% to a whopping 97%."

"B- but..." Light stuttered, in a panic.

L stared at him with amusement. "You think I am so weak- minded that I could be mentally manipulated by YOU? I mean, what did you think will happen, you just concentrate really hard and I'm instantly your slave?"

Light held up _Mind Controlling For Dummies_. "Well, yeah! That's what it says!"

"Ah, I see, Light- Kun," L crooned. "Those books are handy, are they not? In fact, I have books of my own." He reached under his chair and pulled up a book whose cover read, _What To Do If Light Yagami Acts Like an Idiot For Dummies._

Light recoiled in shock. "They actually have a book for that?!"

L nodded. "They have a book for everything."

Light cursed under his breath. "I knew I should have ordered O_utsmarting an Eccentric Detective Trying To Beat You At Your Own Game For Dummies_."

L opened up the soda can he had gotten for Light. "You live and you learn, Light- Kun," he casually said, taking a sip. "You live and you learn."

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**Thanks so much to everyone who has reviewed! Especially to the guests whom I could not reply to. You guys are so funny! xD**


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